Part 10

When Donald Trump was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States on January 20, 2017, it kick-started a brand new era for our country and its people, an era of intensified hope, fear, love, and hate. In short, we were swept up in a tale of two cities, the best of times, and the worst. 

The internet was still a free venue for ruthless political debate and virtual blood-sports, and because of my budding openness to new ideas, I began exploring philosophies that I had previously disregarded. I was just one of millions of people being radicalized from one side of the spectrum to the other on a number of topics. 

The last two years had been such a rollercoaster ride of experiences and emotions both on a societal level, and for many people, a deeply personal one. As for me, I had lost people I loved, and as a result, descended into a period of pure darkness. Then, most unexpectedly, I was called to adventure by my biggest hero, and with my best friend by my side, embarked upon a great odyssey that took me to new and exotic places. But most profoundly of all, I had left home seeking the world and found God instead.

Of course it would be years until I exercised or practiced any sort of faith in God, but my heart had been opened. My spirit was willing to reform, but my flesh was weak, and slow to respond. I still smoked weed almost every day, and waited far too long to get the job I needed to support myself in California. I started depending on JD's inheritance to keep me afloat, all the while maintaining a blind hope for a deus ex machina to save my situation. But one never came. By the end of 2017, I was almost $20,000 in debt to my best friend, and at one point had as little as $3 left in my bank account. 

What was interesting, though, is that JD was going through some of the same changes in worldview that I was, and perhaps that's what kept us from killing each other. We loved each other as brothers, whether we liked it or not. 

By the time 2018 rolled around, we were both pretty much broke and in desperate need of a change. People sometimes ask me how and why I ended up where I am today, and I often struggle to deliver an abridged version of the overall story you just read. In truth, our situation in LA, both physically and spiritually, necessitated a drastic change in scenery. JD’s suggestion of Montana was so bold, so random, that it was almost a joke between us, and I, being so weakened by my position, was game for anything that might get me out of it. There was something exciting about the idea of uprooting ourselves once again, and this time without knowing anyone who lived where we were going.

I had built my bank account back up a bit before we moved, to about $200, which is roughly how much I had to my name when I arrived in Bozeman in February of 2018. Many natives of Montana are quick to begrudge those who move here from the West Coast, and I understand why, but when I arrived here from LA I was a completely blank slate, ready to assimilate to a whole new way of life. It’s kind of funny if you think about it. Some people might read this and think I’m a failure. But it wasn’t until I moved to Montana and observed the snow-covered landscape, the humbling mountains standing tall in the distance, that I finally thought to myself, “I can do anything.”

At the time of this writing (fall of 2022), I’m completely debt-free, drug-free, alcohol-free, I’m engaged to the woman of my dreams, who I attend church with several times a week, and finally, over this last summer, at the age of 26, I released my debut solo album for all the world to hear. None of this would have been possible without the support of my friends, family, loving fiancée, or the grace of God.

While there's still so much left unsaid, and I'm tempted to go on, it's probably best that I let you get back to your own life, however you choose to live it. But before we part, I thought I would leave you with this piece of scripture that happened to find me in the early stages of this writing project. It’s from Hebrews 12, and it says this:

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined - and everyone undergoes discipline - then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it…

Photo by Behnam Razavi